got your goose?

I was standing at the sink this morning washing the coffee pot (yeah, yeah – it’s fun to be me, tell all your friends) when I saw a goose sitting on the ice on the pond. Now this isn’t a momentous occasion or anything. I frequently see (and hear) geese around our house. And I dislike geese. Okay, that’s not strictly true. I despise geese, yep, I loathe them. I actually waste more energy than it’s worth hating them. It’s really sad, but alas, true. So anyway, I see this goose sitting on the ice and it was funny cause it looked like he was frozen to the pond, and I would think that’s pretty damned funny. I was amused enough (again, this might be an illness) to call my husband over to see the goose – just in time to see it lift off into the air. Geese do that. Especially when there is a coyote chasing it. Yeehaw, my morning just kept getting better. Of course, the coyote didn’t catch the goose or anything – but he at least taught him a lesson about loitering on our pond. The coyote also had the annoying after-effect of leaving the ‘coyote’ song from the roadrunner cartoon stuck in my head, you know the one, "roaaad-runner, the co-yo-te's after you, roaaad-runner, if he catches you you're through." It can be really tough to be me. But back to the geese. Now you may be one of those, “ah, poor geese, they’re so cute, and they have such cute babies, blah, blah, blah” people. Let me enlighten you, there is nothing cute about a goose, they’re loud, they’re obnoxious (tell me you’ve never been chased by one – and why do you think they call a hard pinch on the butt ‘goosing’ someone huh?) and they poop as big as cats. Really. A pound a day. Yuck. I think more people would agree with my belief that geese are only good for eating if they pooped while flying. Can you imagine that landing on your windshield? uh-huh – still think they’re so cute? And any and every lawn is their toilet, not that they restrict themselves to lawns, no siree, driveways and sidewalks are perfect facilities for the shitmeisters. Even walking across the lab campus (where I work), you gotta make sure you don’t step in the poo. Literally. So I think we should bring back the ole motto from Herbert Hoover, “A goose in every pot.” (okay, he said chicken, but this is really much more practical.) No shit.