but i don't wanna go!
No, that’s not the cry of a reluctant four year old being stuffed into a suit and dragged off to church. That’s me, on Saturday morning as I hauled my butt upstairs to get ready to go to Pete’s parent’s house. Now, don’t judge. I was just there last week – and we usually go every other week – So I just don’t want to go this week. However, as a good wife, and with ill-grace, I got ready. I did moan to my husband, repeatedly, that I didn’t want to go. We went. And it wasn’t that bad. It was just average bad. You know. I had to keep myself from rolling my eyes like a teenager most of the day. I was ready to scream at the repetition; do all old people do that? What’s up? You know we just talked about that, right? Please say you know that?
As a result of this forced visitation, I actually started a list of all the things that I won’t do to my kids as I grow older:
1. I will not forget your spouse’s name and write it on an index card and tack it to the wall so that I can glance over his shoulder to read it when I want to use his name (true story.)
2. I will not stay at your house so long that you feel the need to turn down the heat to get me to leave *note: this works* (again, don’t judge, we only do that at holidays when we have just had enough already!)
3. I will not teach my grandkids the word “rectum.” That one is totally my mom, not Pete’s. I have to give credit where it’s due (blame, okay, there, I said it, blame.) I actually got an email from my daughter using one of my favorite descriptive phrases – left rat’s butt –only she was so far from where she wanted to be that she was sure it was “left rat’s ‘rectum’” – and she credited her grandmother.
4. I promise, promise, promise not to fart and say “oh my” and “excuse me” at the dinner table. I will take all bodily functions to the bathroom where they belong.
5. I hope that I’ll never drive you to drink earlier and earlier in the day (as in; “Mum is coming over at 4:00 – we’d better start drinking at 3:00.")
Obviously this is the short list and I’m guessing it might need a signature line for my kid's sake, after all, I might forget that we just talked about that...
As a result of this forced visitation, I actually started a list of all the things that I won’t do to my kids as I grow older:
1. I will not forget your spouse’s name and write it on an index card and tack it to the wall so that I can glance over his shoulder to read it when I want to use his name (true story.)
2. I will not stay at your house so long that you feel the need to turn down the heat to get me to leave *note: this works* (again, don’t judge, we only do that at holidays when we have just had enough already!)
3. I will not teach my grandkids the word “rectum.” That one is totally my mom, not Pete’s. I have to give credit where it’s due (blame, okay, there, I said it, blame.) I actually got an email from my daughter using one of my favorite descriptive phrases – left rat’s butt –only she was so far from where she wanted to be that she was sure it was “left rat’s ‘rectum’” – and she credited her grandmother.
4. I promise, promise, promise not to fart and say “oh my” and “excuse me” at the dinner table. I will take all bodily functions to the bathroom where they belong.
5. I hope that I’ll never drive you to drink earlier and earlier in the day (as in; “Mum is coming over at 4:00 – we’d better start drinking at 3:00.")
Obviously this is the short list and I’m guessing it might need a signature line for my kid's sake, after all, I might forget that we just talked about that...
May I add to your list?
ReplyDeleteDon't ignore me when I talk to you and tell you that aerosol cans cause me to have an asthma attack.
Please bathe cuz if you don't, I don't want you sitting on my couch.
You can add to my list anytime - does old people smell come from not bathing? hmm - cause I'm seriously worried about EVER smelling like that...
ReplyDeleteNumber three, heh heh. I have to go find my kids.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, almost as good as a string of four letter words?!
ReplyDelete